Days Grew Near

As days passed by very fast, I'm scared.
I think u must know the reason, and yes the reason is PRCP is coming soon.
Shit I'm thinking to prepare for the worst as I dun think I can pass and work as staff nurse, but maybe GP nurse is possible.
So hope can pass through only one attempt man. But scared sia.
Really scared of PRCP as this is my graduation posting lei. So scary. Heard that that will be tough going for us. *SHIT*
I feel like as the days passed, I feel like having difficulty in breathing gradually. One of the factors are scared, the other are I'm not going to pass.
Those who knows me, knew that I'm so timid in making decision, always forget certain things, med not welly memorized, so blur like sotong, can't flexible, no confident in doing things, will not proactive etc.
There is a lot of neg. thing to talk abt my character. So dun talk too much abt me.
Ai......................................*sad*.......................................*sob*................................................................
I really thinking a lot of times of quiting but I still must consider a lot of factor, all these makes me so headache. And also makes me feel like I'm trapped in a maze.
I really feel so "fan". However, I wish I rather be s GP nurse than hospital nurse. As I know myself, I'm not a gd nurse for a hospital to get, but ok for a GP to get. I really can't handle stress really well, so maybe if possible, hope can work in GP or other kinds of job, rather than a staff nurse in hospital.
I found out that I nd to attend the recuitment thingy to have easy access for my PRCP. But a lot of qus cross my mind. If after poly would they ask me to work in that hospital? Or is there any terms and condition? etc . And also plus the factor that I already lost interest in Nursing. Which makes me feel so uninterested, no mood, and no confident in Nursing.
Ai........................................................................................................................................................
Anyway I just voice out my "lao shao" only. Just dun keep it to heart. Enjoy ur public holiday.

Retake

I retake the practical again today. I felt scared and nervous. Scared is because I scared I failed the practical and can't cope the saddness anymore. Nervous is because facing the lecturer will kind of choking my own saliver and might forget hw to do the steps.
Of course as usual, We need to take a card at the waiting room to know which procedures are we doing and when I know I get rubbing for this time practical, I feel quite happy as I always wish that I get that procedure for my practical and wow, I feel so lucky man.
So when I reach the scrub room, I saw few students are testing liao, so I and my the other friend grab the disposable cap and a simple mask and went to prep room to wait for our turn. There are a few students waiting for retaking the prac, and we all are very nervous and dun know hw to relax and calm ourselves down. So we started to look around, watching the ppl who are testing. I feel like the room that are meant for testing is a battlefield. Battle of students and lecturers. The feeling is so nervous.
Until the time that the lecturer has called my name, I feel like "I hope can remember what I have learn and hope the lecturer can pass me this time round". As the previous one I get is CLC, and I failed.
So hope this time round I won't be failing.
Luckily enough that during the procedure I nearly make mistakes but I quickily do the correct thing. So the lecturer pass me. I was thinking "Yeah, finally pass!!! YES!!!"
My the other friend also pass the prac, and makes me feel happy.
But one of my classmates failed b'cos of CLC. I was thinking "SHIT man why can't the lecturer pass her". I was quite angry at the point of time that knowing she failed. And also sad for her lor.
So hope she will be strong and cheerful and dun stress herself too much.

Practical

I failed. I was like blur queen when taking the prac. After come out, I regret why I didn't do some of the things. Now is not impt anymore as I failed and still got another chance. So nvm, I still can company my friend to take the prac. I think I lost the interest to take the prac le, thats why after taking it apart from a short term sadness, I dun feel anything liao. I feel like as if a big burden have been putting down le and as if feeling like a body without any soul operating the body. I can only say that I have completely lost the interest in nursing until I dun feel like taking any prac, exam, test. Presentations, I can't let my grp down so I must push myself to complete all the presentations. So thus although I failed for this module, a short term of time feel like crying out but I din do it. Don't know why maybe feel that prac is not so impt to me anymore maybe since the day that I lose interest of nursing. But for my friends who ask me to complete this course, I will push myself. But dun expect me to get gd score as I might fail like this time round. Hahahahahaha and bb.

Today

Actually today is close to my prac, and of course I'm worried abt it but strangely that I'm not nervous abt it. My whole mind is thinking abt hw I fail my prac. I really got depression even my friend also get this mental disease maybe it was me who transmitted to her. Hahahahaha. Wan to tell you one little secreat but pls don't shove me off if u read this blog . And pls dun be afraid man. This thing I never tell any of my friends as they might be scared of me. If u really afraid, then nvm lor just keep a distance away from me. My gm had depression before and there's a higher chance for me to get it too. To tell the truth I really hope that the ppl around me dun get affected by me or else I will feel guilty. Nw I suspected my friend get depression too. My advice for this friend is dun get too close to me too much as I scared of transmit my depression and stress to u too. I will not tell you who get depression before and recovered. Pls dun ask!!! I dun want to tell you. This is the secreat that I found out quite a long time but doesn't plan to tell. I'm now telling is because many ppl have affected by me so I will like to warn you all. Pls dun tell anyone else. Not a gd thing after all. So pls play hard like me and dun think too much. Recently I got depression is because my game not out yet and dun know what game to play nw. As my attention span on one game is short so is impossible for me to stick on to one game. I suspect that I will be like this on love relationship and that's why I dun want any. So dun worry and be happy. I have tested my nafa yesterday and of course I din get bronze or others. My results are the sit up thing-22 (get 1pts); standing board jump is 150 (0pts); sit & reach is 40 (3pts); inclined pull up is 5 (1pts); shuttle run is 12.7 (0pts) and the 2.4 running is 19 (0pts); altogether is 5pts. So I'm quite happy la as I dun expect much from me as I din train. haahahahhaahhahahahahaha.......................................................................(*opps dun wonder away)
OkOk, I admit that I'm a bit *siao* but sorry as I dun like my yr 3 and nw still suffering and crutching on to it and feeling like dying liao. So sorry, anyway I will promise to study my upcoming prac. as for my friend I hope that person will be happy, dun stress, dun depressed, dun angry wif me (as I'm so *fan* some of the times like an old granny keep on compressing jobs on her so much until she can't breathe-hereby I'm sorry times billion), dun be frastruated etc. Just be the cheerful old self. And for my almost lost contact friend, so sorry times 2 billion. I know meeting me out is as difficult as seeing a Earth Clipse. So sorry. If u wan to beat me go ahead I won't stop u...........*bang*..........*pong*.........*bash*.............*pong pong*..............................
(sound of beating). Ok enough liao?? Not enough then can beat me personally. Ok thats it and I really hope can pass my prac. BB